Fake IPL Player Blogpost: Awards Night and Farewell

While the IPL closing ceremony is on, I am pleased to share with you an exciting piece of news. IPL's FIP Reader's Choice Awards will be given in a glittering function at the Buckingham Palace Lawns on 4th June. The Queen and the Prince have declined their presence because of prior engagements. However, the rest of the glitterati are expected to attend the event in full splendour.

True to his style Saala Slimeball has already ordered for a gold coloured Shamiana studded with all sorts of stones. The brief is to make something more hideous than the trophy itself, which will take some doing I tell you. The Shamiana vala is currently busy slapping all the sponsors' logos on gold sheets. All speeches at the event are sponsored by Sprite, which automatically disqualifies Slimeball from giving this customary Thank You speech. Kishen Kanhaiyya lost the job as soon as he said "I will be there like a tracer bullet". And Nanny Horrible-son was, at the time, trying out his latest stunt of lifting 4 cheerleaders on his shoulders and 2 on his lap, and couldn't muster up a good enough reply. The show will now be anchored by all Set Max anchors. Doesn't get straighter than this as they know all TVs would in any case be on Mute.

As readers of this blog, you have the privilege of knowing all the winners well in advance because, well, you guys have picked them anyway.

IPL FIP's READER'S CHOICE AWARDS

Pair pe kulhaadi Award:
Appam Chutiya for his marathon run after claiming wicket of Cool Dude and ruining own prospects in Indian team.
Contributed by Vimmmie

Read More

Fake IPL Player Blog Post: Rest in Pieces

It ain’t over till it’s over folks. I was all set to rest in peace after my ‘don’t tell all’ video, but the ferocity of comments has shattered my rest to pieces and compelled me to return for this one last post for this IPL season. I can take anything you guys hurl at me, but the line needs to be drawn somewhere. You can call me anything you want and I won’t mind a bit, but one particular anonymous commenter simply crossed the final frontier of my tolerance by calling me Bishen Singh Bedi. Even the guy who called me Himesh had some sense level of decency, although how he recognised Himesh without a mike held at a precise 47.5 degree angle is a little hard to understand.

If you are still reading this post after my obituary, I assume that you are amongst the 37% of readers who have enjoyed the blog in the right spirit, have contributed to the quality of the blog with your intelligent, witty comments and constructive criticism. I hope I am safe to assume that all the Mr. Anonymous’ and Ms Anonymous’ who started and continued inane & immature discussions in the comments section won’t find this blog interesting enough after the last video post.

Read More

Fake IPL Players Blog: It's decision time folks

Yet another intense fielding session. And not surprisingly, hardly any dropped catches during practice. Looks like we always save our best for the real thing

2-3 changes are expected in the side for this game. But, it's almost sure that that Lordie's playing. Don't know whether Skipper pushed it through, or a late night call from Dildo did the trick, or the "warning" comments on this blog made the decision, but Lordie's in. Skipper and Lordie chatted for a longish period during training. Skipper has asked Lordie if he'd like to open today. Bhookha was opposed to the idea till yesterday, but speculation is rife that Bhookha may play along thinking that this is a better way to get rid of him than not letting him bat at all.

Read More

Fake IPL Player Blog: Hats Off to Bhookha Naan

It's very early in the morning here. Couldn't sleep well the whole night. We are missing a few members of our family who have gone back home. It's always painful to see some of your own being culled and I am not in any mood for humour.

But, I am in a very respectful mood. I have new found respect for Bhookha Naan and his coterie of ill advisors. I mean, their insight into the game is par excellence. They can see things that us mortals just can't. To begin with they select Shakespeare and Ganji Hanger for a T20 tournament. That itself was genius. And then they sack them after just one inning each. Being the ignorant fool that I am, I thought they played just as all of us had always expected them too.
But, I think Bhookha must have seen something that we couldn't and suddenly realised that they do not fit in. I wish I could fall at their feet and pray for enlightenment. Tell me, Oh my Master, what did you see in those 2 innings that you hadn't known all along? What startling revelation was caught by only your eyes and nobody else's? Tell me, please tell me, your enlightened soul, how do I see things beyond what is obvious?

Read Original Post Here